Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph
Reflection: The changing definition of family
By CAROL J. DEMPSEY
This feast of the Holy Family invites us to think about our understanding of family.
The first reading from the Book of Sirach, a text that is part of the wisdom writings and tradition, is classically read as a father’s address to his son. The father instructs on how a son is to behave toward his father and essentially, how all children are to “revere” their parents. This selection from Sirach is supposed to offer us wisdom about family. But does it?
The biblical text presumes a heteronormative, patriarchal family structure that includes male and female parents — and probably both male and female children, too. Twenty-first century families are often very different from the one portrayed in Sirach. Today’s families might consist of single parents, same-sex parents, foster or adoptive parents, stepparents, grandparents with custody or various other expressions.
Additionally, time and growing consciousness have raised the question: Should all parents be respected and honored? What if they caused great suffering? This reading from Sirach speaks to an idealized family situation. How are children suffering within harmful family units to make sense of this reading when they hear it proclaimed in church? What is the wisdom to be gained?
The question challenges us to expand our notion of “family,” to see ourselves as part of the family of the Divine One who brought us all into being. With this new framework, family becomes a series of interrelated, interpersonal and intergenerational relationships. For these relationships to grow and flourish in meaningful ways, mutual respect needs to be one of the starting points — not authority, fear, dominance or paternalism.
The other starting point needs to be love, the central theme of the second reading from Colossians.
As members of the Divine One’s family, we are called to learn the way of love. Within this household are “elders” and those younger. The way of love beckons the elders to act responsibly, to share with younger members the wisdom gained from experience and to be open to the wisdom learned from younger members as well. The way of love also calls for the exercise of heartfelt compassion. In this household, younger members and elders alike are called upon to bear with one another and be patient. Both elders and younger members will struggle, make mistakes, disappoint and falter. The way of love entails forgiveness when expectations are not met and when feelings are hurt.
This way of love between elders and children is palpable in the Gospel reading from Luke.
This way of love between elders and children is palpable in the Gospel reading from Luke.
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In pondering today’s passage from Luke, one might say that 12-year old Jesus was not a model son. After participating in a family outing to Jerusalem to celebrate the feast of Passover, the young boy goes his own way and becomes separated from his parents and their traveling caravan. This separation leads to devastation and worry on the part of his parents, who eventually find him after three days. The parents confront the child, expressing their feelings of consternation. Clearly Jesus had displeased them, caused them worry, suffering, pain and grief.
The young Jesus asks a rather glib question in response. These parents would have to bear with, try to understand and forgive their young son when he made a stunning decision to stay back and dialogue with the teachers in the temple. Here we have an example of parents — wise “elders” — allowing their child, a younger member in the household of the Divine, to do what he needs to do. And their love for him never wavered.
Collectively, these three readings offer us wisdom. Family needs to be envisioned, and mutual love and respect must be the foundation for all relationships.
Reading I
(Sirach 3: 2-6, 12-14)
God sets a father in honor over his children;
a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons.
Whoever honors his father atones for sins,
and preserves himself from them.
When he prays, he is heard;
he stores up riches who reveres his mother.
Whoever honors his father is gladdened by children,
and, when he prays, is heard.
Whoever reveres his father will live a long life;
he who obeys his father brings comfort to his mother.
My son, take care of your father when he is old;
grieve him not as long as he lives.
Even if his mind fail, be considerate of him;
revile him not all the days of his life;
kindness to a father will not be forgotten,
firmly planted against the debt of your sins
—a house raised in justice to you.
OR
(1 Samuel 1: 20-22, 24-28)
In those days Hannah conceived, and at the end of her term bore a son
whom she called Samuel, since she had asked the LORD for him.
The next time her husband Elkanah was going up
with the rest of his household
to offer the customary sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vows,
Hannah did not go, explaining to her husband,
“Once the child is weaned,
I will take him to appear before the LORD
and to remain there forever;
I will offer him as a perpetual nazirite.”
Once Samuel was weaned, Hannah brought him up with her,
along with a three-year-old bull,
an ephah of flour, and a skin of wine,
and presented him at the temple of the LORD in Shiloh.
After the boy’s father had sacrificed the young bull,
Hannah, his mother, approached Eli and said:
“Pardon, my lord!
As you live, my lord,
I am the woman who stood near you here, praying to the LORD.
I prayed for this child, and the LORD granted my request.
Now I, in turn, give him to the LORD;
as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the LORD.”
Hannah left Samuel there.
Responsorial Psalm
Reading II
(Colossians 3: 12-21 or 3: 12-17)
Brothers and sisters:
Put on, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,
heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
bearing with one another and forgiving one another,
if one has a grievance against another;
as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
And over all these put on love,
that is, the bond of perfection.
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts,
the peace into which you were also called in one body.
And be thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly,
as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another,
singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs
with gratitude in your hearts to God.
And whatever you do, in word or in deed,
do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Wives, be subordinate to your husbands,
as is proper in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives,
and avoid any bitterness toward them.
Children, obey your parents in everything,
for this is pleasing to the Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children,
so they may not become discouraged.
OR
(1 John 3: 1-2,21-24)
Beloved:
See what love the Father has bestowed on us
that we may be called the children of God.
And so we are.
The reason the world does not know us
is that it did not know him.
Beloved, we are God’s children now;
what we shall be has not yet been revealed.
We do know that when it is revealed we shall be like him,
for we shall see him as he is.
Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us,
we have confidence in God and receive from him whatever we ask,
because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him.
And his commandment is this:
we should believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ,
and love one another just as he commanded us.
Those who keep his commandments remain in him, and he in them,
and the way we know that he remains in us
is from the Spirit he gave us.
Gospel
(Luke 2: 41-52)
Each year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the feast
of Passover,
and when he was twelve years old,
they went up according to festival custom.
After they had completed its days, as they were returning,
the boy Jesus remained behind in Jerusalem,
but his parents did not know it.
Thinking that he was in the caravan,
they journeyed for a day
and looked for him among their relatives and acquaintances,
but not finding him,
they returned to Jerusalem to look for him.
After three days they found him in the temple,
sitting in the midst of the teachers,
listening to them and asking them questions,
and all who heard him were astounded
at his understanding and his answers.
When his parents saw him,
they were astonished,
and his mother said to him,
“Son, why have you done this to us?
Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.”
And he said to them,
“Why were you looking for me?
Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”
But they did not understand what he said to them.
He went down with them and came to Nazareth,
and was obedient to them;
and his mother kept all these things in her heart.
And Jesus advanced in wisdom and age and favor
before God and man.